Having decided to resurrect this blog, it seems fitting to explain a bit about why I am still here - that is, in Sacramento - and not in the outback of some developing country, as was my plan almost a year ago. I changed my mind about going into the Peace Corps, and made the decision to stick around and trudge through the mud of this shit-can economy. As I worked on my Peace Corps application, I was imagining myself missing my world, on the other side of the planet, surrounded by strangers speaking a strange language. I was homesick and had not even left yet. It really felt like the best option in this stage of my life was to stay close to home and stay connected. Today, I can’t say that I am not open to reconsidering my options, because after one year, things are not much better. But the whole Point of Freedom At Point Zero, was that I had jettisoned the entire package – lost my job, sold my stuff, and generally let go of my world. Like the song says “freedom’s just another word for nothin’ left to loose.” What is interesting is the way that even “nothin’ left to loose” is like peeling an onion, shedding layers of bullshit and getting down to the good stuff.
What I mean is, the freedom part is a state of mind, and the rest is simply degrees of “nothin.” And I am not talking about simply the stuff that we lose. The unraveling of a man’s life at the age of 42 is a potentially unnerving process to witness, unless one moves with the unraveling…embraces it, swings and bends and jumps to allow the debris to pass gently by. This unraveling I speak of is of course, happening right now on some collective level also, which certainly makes it easier for me to embrace. I’m part of history, baby, so let the pieces fly! After letting my truck go, I was still able to continue my handyman business by becoming the “hatchback handyman.” When I needed to sell my car for rent money, I became the human-powered handyman, doing small handyman jobs on my Xtracycle cargo bicycle! I'm finding that the only thing worth being attached to is the truth of who I am.
A friend of mine asked me a few weeks ago if Freedom At Point Zero is still alive, now that I have taken a part-time job, moved back into the house that I moved out of last Spring, and just generally “recommitted to the grind of daily survival.” My answer is that Freedom At Point Zero is all in my head. It was there the whole time. I am learning that choices are part of each moment, and they are present to the extent that I am present. Choices that constitute freedom are sometimes about what I can get, add, do, or control, but more often my freedom is contingent on what I am willing to let go of, do without, or accept. I had an amazing summer chasing adventure, but had to tolerate living with my mother when I was home. I moved back into my house in beautiful Curtis Park, but this time with a house-mate. There is always something to trade for what we need.
And the truth is, times of financial scarcity usually push us to peak efficiency. There was a time many years ago when I filled my own three-bedroom house in the suburbs, had two cars in the driveway, and drove an hour each way to work. That is a huge footprint, and I was a very different man back then. When pushed off of the money treadmill, living a mainstream lifestyle begins to reveal itself as incredibly inefficient. I mean, cable T.V. becomes a foolish obligation at $80-$100 a month, and driving a car sure looks like a huge waste of resources once we try living without one for a few months. I had been eager to divorce my car for awhile before it actually happened, and now I am amazed at how my stress level has dropped off. I am getting my exercise every time I need to go somewhere, which has allowed me to forego any gym membership. Also, the question becomes “How busy do we really need to be?” I used to cram things into my schedule and then count on speedy travel to make it all work. I would find myself taking silly risks on the road, and frequently arriving late anyway. Now, my level of mindfulness around travel has brought about some revelations - about what commitments I will and will not allow myself to take on, and which ones I actually have time for. In other words, I am doing less, and enjoying it more.
I am cooking much more and eating out less, which equates to SLOW food, and some really wonderful mindfulness around the quality of my meals. I have probably lost about 25 pounds in the last six months, and I feel healthier than I have ever been. I currently only work about 18 hours a week, which has provided me with much more time to visit with friends, walk and run with my dog, practice meditation and yoga, etc. I am planning to start a garden in the next couple of weeks, and get backyard chickens for yummy home-based eggs. What this all says to me is that, holy shit, I am not poor at all, I am free! It may seem impoverished for a man my age to be living on about $1000 a month, and it has taken me awhile to stop holding it as a crisis, but you know what, at the end of the day it’s not bad at all. It’s not something I want to make permanent, but for right now, it ain’t that bad.
